Written by: Vanessa Coulson (she/her), MS, NCC, LAPC, CCTS
My Personal Perspective
This perspective is a hallmark of demisexuality. For a demisexual person, a person’s physical attractiveness (“hotness”) is often irrelevant to sexual attraction until a deep emotional bond is established.
Many demisexuals can appreciate that someone is conventionally attractive (aesthetic attraction) without feeling any desire to act on it (sexual attraction). Sexual attraction only develops after a connection is formed. Without that, being attractive is just aesthetic, like looking at a nice piece of artwork. Initial looks are irrelevant due to sexual desire only being triggered by emotional safety and trust. Therefore, the physical appearance of a stranger or someone new holds very little weight, making it easy to be indifferent about how attractive someone is.
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum where people experience sexual attraction only after they are able to form a deep emotional bond with someone. Demisexual people tend to describe their reality as needing to actively explore someone’s character before even feeling sexually attracted to them. It is important to stress that building a bond is not a preference but a requirement for sexual attraction to occur at all. The depth of the connection, trust, and understanding becomes the core groundwork in which attraction can build.
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The information contained in this blog does not replace professional treatment or diagnosis and is for educational purposes only.
References
MSN. https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/love-sex/why-demisexual-attraction-isn-t-just-waiting-and-how-real-connection-transforms-dating/ar-AA1HTn5f
Understanding demisexuality. Understanding Demisexuality – Attraction Beyond Physical. https://demisexual.net/understanding-demisexuality
