Written by: Autumn Walsh (She/Her) MSW, LSW, CCTS
Ah, the delightful nostalgia of childhood spankings! You know, those fond memories of the family mantra, “This hurts me more than it hurts you,” which clearly was not the motto of the parent wielding the wooden spoon. I can’t help but chuckle as I reminisce about the charming connection between physical discipline and emotional maturity. It’s almost as if my trauma trained me for adulthood, where I am now comfortably nestled in therapy, deciphering the nuances of panic attacks and imposter syndrome. However, I assure you, I turned out “fine”—whatever that means.
Spanking, we’ve been told repeatedly, is the magical discipline elixir for well-behaved children. Parents sprinkle this technique like confetti at a parade, believing they are nurturing emotional growth. But let’s face it: if hitting your children sculpted them into emotional giants, I’d be the Buddha of my generation. Instead, I’m more like a paradox wrapped in a riddle, brimming with insecurities masked by a copious amount of sarcasm.
In theory, the logic is simple: you hit, they learn. They disobey, you spank, rinse, and repeat. The only issue with this “brilliant” parenting framework is that it lacks empirical evidence to support its so-called benefits. Numerous studies have indicated that corporal punishment does not lead to better behavior in children. In fact, it often produces the opposite effect. According to Gershoff (2002), spanking correlates with increased aggression, delinquency, and behavioral issues later in life. So, for anyone keeping score, it seems that “turning out fine” is a math problem with quite the wrong equation.
You see, excessive discipline isn’t just a cute quirk of parenthood; it’s a legitimate emotional black hole with dire lifelong consequences. Children subjected to spankings may very well wind up adults who view conflict resolution as a wrestling match rather than a conversation. In the world of adult problems, this translates to shouting at cashiers over the price difference of a latte because someone forgot the “venti” cappuccino wasn’t worth its size in gold. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t—the therapy communication skills did not come with the hefty price tag.
Let’s delve deeper. Emotional maturity isn’t a side effect of occasional swings from a wooden spoon; rather, it results from understanding and processing emotions effectively. Children learn emotional regulation when exposed to explanations, empathy, and positive reinforcement—not by dodging slaps like a dodgeball champ in a gym class filled with bullies. Research by Afifi et al. (2008) supports this notion, highlighting that not only does corporal punishment fail to yield long-term positive behavioral outcomes, it can adversely affect the emotional health of children as they mature.
Now, let me address the elephant in the room: the “I turned out fine” defense. Sure, there I was, standing on the edge of the cognitive abyss, reflecting on years of parental smacking, thinking it grew me into a resilient adult. But did I turn out fine, or am I just nice enough to wear this smirk? After all, resilience can often be confused with the ability to tolerate idiocy thrown by grown-ups—and trust me, I’ve got that skill down to an art form. Who knew shrugging off emotional neglect would put me ahead in adult life?
Let’s be real: the only positive outcome of spanking seems to be an increase in the child’s desire for avoidance tactics. We didn’t need parenting classes; we needed a workshop on how to dodge flying shoes effectively and to understand the psychological implications behind “Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.” The result? Relationships filled with fear and compliance—but never empowerment.
The spankings of yore have left us with a generation ripe for therapy—specifically for unraveling the mess that is our emotional maturity. So, here’s to those good ol’ days of wooden spoons and parental chaos. My advice? Let’s swap the paddles for empathy, the hits for hugs, and the adult therapy sessions for open conversations. Maybe then we’ll actually have the chance to “turn out fine.”
Remember, friends: if anyone tries to defend spanking, just smile knowingly and remind them that evidence, much like healthy emotional expression, matters.
If you are interested in making an appointment with one of our therapists make an appointment with one of our therapists in Pittsburgh, PA, by emailing info@elementspgh.com or calling 412-336-8832.
The information contained in this blog does not replace professional treatment or diagnosis and is for educational purposes only.
References
Afifi, T. D., Kessler, R. C., & Wadsworth, M. E. (2008). The impact of parental divorce on adult relationships: An attachment theory perspective. Personal Relationships, 15(1), 1-28.
Gershoff, E. T. (2002). Corporal punishment by parents and associated child behaviors and experiences: A meta-analytic and theoretical review. Psychological Bulletin, 128(4), 539-579.
