Written by: Autumn Walsh (She/Her) MSW, LSW, CCTS
So, here we are, living in a world where everyone keeps saying, “Oh, children are so resilient!” Meanwhile, my social media feed is flooded with #TherapyTalk posts from Gen Xers, Millennials, and those childlike Zelennials who think avocado toast is a food group. And let’s be real: if we’re the “resilient” bunch, why is the entire generation diving headfirst into therapy like it’s a new sport? Let’s take a deep dive into resilience, therapy, and why our generation might be more “fragile” than a Thanksgiving turkey that just got dropped.
First off, what the hell is resiliency anyway? Merriam-Webster defines it as the ability to recover from difficulties. Sounds great, right? But here’s the kicker: resilience isn’t an innate childhood gift handed out like candy on Halloween. It’s more like muscle—you’ve got to work at it. It develops from a blend of supportive relationships, coping skills, and, spoiler alert, a functioning family.
Now, let’s reflect on the parenting scene from the ’80s to the early 2000s. For those of you who grew up amidst floppy disks and grunge music, you might remember being told to “walk it off” when you scraped your knee or were left alone to raise yourself while your parents “worked” on their own *issues*. This was an age where neglect and emotional abuse didn’t even come with a warning label. Oh, and let’s not overlook “tough love,” which often meant, “I don’t really care if you have feelings—go outside and play with the dirt.”
With that upbringing, it’s no wonder many of us ended up in therapy! And let’s talk about the cocktail of crises that brewed while we were just trying to figure out if we were “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob.” September 11, 2001—boom! Welcome to a new era of anxiety. Terrorism was now a household topic, and suddenly, kids were hiding under desks thinking they could evade ninjas in the sky. Following that, we had wars—oh, did we have wars! The Iraq War, the War on Terror, and let’s not forget the endless cycle of military engagements where the only winners seem to be the weapons manufacturers and our diminishing trust in government.
Add some economic crashes to the mix, and voilà! You’ve got a generation that’s emotionally navigating the turbulence with less guidance than a blindfolded toddler trying to color inside the lines.
Let’s not forget the delightful *great recession* of 2008, which nudged many in our generation back into their childhood bedrooms, room decor still frozen in time—posters of celebrities in questionable clothing styles and at least one inflatable chair. Yay for resiliency, right? Who wouldn’t feel resilient sitting at your parents’ kitchen table at 30, taking orders for more ramen noodles while your therapist enthusiastically discusses your “struggles with independence”?
By now, you might be thinking, “Damn, maybe I should’ve signed up for more sports instead,” or “Damn, maybe these therapy sessions are really for the best.” Absolutely—therapy does rock! But let’s talk about how the whole “children are resilient” narrative is simply society’s way of palming off responsibility. It’s like saying, “Oops! We put you through emotional abuse and systemic failures! But that’s okay—look how tough you are now!” A standing ovation for society! What a fucking joke.
Now, crank up the heat because this goes beyond our individual traumas. If you think we’re just whining about our childhoods, let’s consider the ongoing demolition of our human rights. Between legislation that decides what women can do with their bodies and endless racial, economic, and LGBTQ+ inequalities, we’re not just trying to “bounce back” from our upbringing; we’re battling a fricking monster. It’s like living in a horror movie, but the monster is dressed in a suit, and the sequel keeps getting worse with each passing year!
Look, resilience can be built over time—given the right tools and healthy relationships. But advocating for the narrative that throws children into chaos without warning and expects them to come out unscathed is just irresponsible. Each blow they take is a potential hurdle in their path toward feeling whole and secure. You can’t just plant a tree and expect it to grow without watering it. Likewise, you can’t toss kids into the deep end of dysfunction and expect them to swim without a life jacket.
In short, if children are so “resilient”—and I say this with all the sarcasm of a comedian trying to make a point—then why are we as a generation overflowing into therapy offices like it’s a hot new brunch spot? Resiliency is less about bouncing back from every frickin’ disaster life throws at us and more about being supported to, quite frankly, not freaking drown.
So, in an age where we’re juggling emotional distress, shifting societal norms, and a world that constantly tests our limits, let’s drop the notion that children will just “be fine.” We’re not fine, and that’s okay! Maybe—just maybe—it’s time for society to take a good, long look in the mirror. Great resilience isn’t born; it’s cultivated, watered, and nurtured. Until then, I’ll keep booking those therapy sessions, and you probably should too—because while we’re all resilient, it never hurts to have a little support in this crazy world.
Make an appointment with one of our therapists in Pittsburgh, PA, or email info@elementspgh.com or call 412-336-8832.
The information contained in this blog does not replace professional treatment or diagnosis and is for educational purposes only.
References
American Psychological Association. (2022). Resilience. APA.
Benson, P. L., & Scales, P. C. (2009). Positive youth development: A perspective on the resilience framework. The Cambridge Handbook of Applied Perception Research.
