Written by: Joy F. Harris (She/Her) MSW, LCSW
Here we are, approaching another Valentine’s Day. It is a day that some people love, and others love to hate. It can be a day filled with emotion, both good and bad. Many of us put so much pressure on this one day, hoping for that “grand gesture” of love and admiration that will make us feel acknowledged, valued, and appreciated. We all want to feel confident that we are loved and appreciated in our relationships, and we all want to feel respected and supported. Unfortunately, achieving this does not always come easily. Most of us have been (or will be) in a situation where we have felt unloved, unappreciated, taken for granted, manipulated, disrespected, neglected, or abused. Sometimes we shut down, close off, and become scared and emotionally unavailable in response. Other times we may jump right back out there, eager to play the dating game again in the hopes of finding love.
Setting Limits
Love can be beautiful and wonderful and great, but it also needs to have limits. The truth is that while romance, love, and connection are central to relationships, the foundation of a healthy and lasting partnership lies in our ability to set and uphold clear boundaries built upon mutual respect, empathy, and human dignity. Boundaries are the invisible lines that define where one person ends and the other begins. Setting boundaries helps us ensure that we maintain our individuality, self-respect, and emotional well-being.
Anyone who has had a counseling session with me will tell you that I am a major proponent of setting and upholding personal boundaries. They are healthy and necessary across many areas of our lives. Setting workplace boundaries helps prevent interpersonal conflict, unrealistic expectations or demands, overwhelm, burnout, and resentment. Setting boundaries with your family and friends helps you establish and maintain relationships built on compassion, sensitivity, balance, and reciprocity. Setting healthy boundaries in romantic relationships is just as (if not more) necessary as setting boundaries with your colleagues, acquaintances, classmates, friends, and family.
Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries play a critical role in creating emotional security within a relationship. When partners clearly communicate their needs and expectations, it reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings, conflicts, and unmet expectations. It is important to remember that boundaries are not static; our boundaries evolve as we grow and as our relationships grow. In a healthy relationship, partners benefit from regularly revisiting and adjusting their boundaries to reflect their changing needs and circumstances. An open and ongoing dialogue about boundaries fosters personal and relational growth. Knowing that our boundaries will be respected makes us more likely to feel emotionally secure. This allows us to feel safe exploring and expressing our thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment or rejection.
Another significant benefit of establishing and upholding healthy boundaries is that they allow us to maintain our sense of self within a relationship. Romantic partnerships often involve a deep level of emotional and physical intimacy, which can sometimes lead to the blurring of personal identities. We may feel pressured to conform to our partner’s expectations without clear boundaries. We may find ourselves sacrificing our own needs, values, or interests in the process. This can lead to resentment, frustration, and a loss of individuality. When we do not feel that our needs are being considered or met, we may begin to feel unappreciated or taken for granted. Over time, this can erode the foundation of the relationship and lead to a buildup of negative emotions and feelings.
Conclusion
By establishing, communicating, and maintaining clear boundaries, couples can create a balanced, respectful, and fulfilling relationship on a deeper level. Boundaries preserve individuality, promote mutual respect, enhance emotional security, prevent resentment, facilitate growth, and build trust and intimacy. Ultimately, setting boundaries is not about creating barriers; it is about fostering a partnership where both individuals can thrive together while remaining true to themselves. Love can and should have limits. Setting healthy boundaries starts with us, as they are a product of self-awareness, a sense of self-worth, and confidence. It is normal and necessary to have boundaries; it is essential to express them, and it is crucial to advocate for them, especially within romantic relationships.
Make an appointment with one of our therapists in Pittsburgh, PA, or email info@elementspgh.com or call 412-587-6020.
The information contained in this blog does not replace professional treatment or diagnosis and is for educational purposes only.
