Written by: Lauren Aikin-Smith (She/They) PhD, LCSW, CHES
When it comes to our sexual interests, desires, or fantasies, many of us carry a heavy burden of secrecy and shame. It’s not uncommon for people to feel like they’re the only ones who enjoy certain kinks, fetishes, or fantasies—like they’re somehow “weird” or “broken” compared to others.
As a sex therapist, I often hear clients open a session by saying, “I have to tell you something, and it’s really weird.” They brace themselves, fearing judgment, and begin to explain their unique desires. But here’s the truth: most of the time, these interests are not unusual at all. In fact, they’re pretty standard.
Why Do We Feel So Alone in Our Desires?
The shame many people feel about their sexual interests often stems from societal stigma and lack of education and open conversation about sexuality. Many of us grow up in environments where talking about sex is “taboo.” As a result, we may not hear about others’ experiences, leaving us isolated and convinced that we’re the only ones with these thoughts or preferences. When people do share experiences, they may leave out information about what they believe is “weird” and embellish the “norm”.
But, the spectrum of human sexuality is vast, and many people share similar interests. What feels like an unsharable secret to you might be something countless others experience, too—it’s just that you’ve never talked about it with anyone.
Pornography and other sexual content can sometimes help people connect, and sometimes, they don’t help the matter. Pornography isn’t “bad,” and people can find connections and communities around their specific interests through this medium. However, pornography is created as a form of entertainment and is often an exaggerated version.
What Happens in Sex Therapy?
Sex therapy offers a safe, confidential space to explore your deepest thoughts, feelings, and desires. You’re not broken, wrong, or alone; you’re simply human.
Therapy isn’t about changing who you are or pushing you to conform to someone else’s idea of normal. Instead, it’s about working to understand yourself better and achieve self-acceptance. Together, we can address any shame you’re feeling and help you see your desires as just another part of yourself.
From Shame to Confidence
When we start to peel back the layers of shame and self-criticism, confidence grows. Clients often feel lighter and freer once they realize they’re not alone. They begin to embrace their authentic selves and build healthier relationships with themselves and others.
If you’ve been holding back your desires because of fear or shame, know that you don’t have to do it alone. Talking with a trained, nonjudgmental therapist can help you process these feelings and move toward a more confident, comfortable version of yourself.
Sex therapy isn’t about telling you what’s right or wrong. It’s about creating a space where you can talk, heal, and grow. Remember: you’re not “weird.” You’re human. And you deserve to feel confident and comfortable in your skin.
If you’re ready to explore your sexuality in a safe, judgment-free environment, make an appointment with one of our therapists by emailing info@elementspgh.com or calling 412-336-8832.
The information contained in this blog does not replace professional treatment or diagnosis and is for educational purposes only.
