Written by: Joy F. Harris (She/Her) MSW, LCSW
One of my very favorite quotes that I utilize both in my personal life and in therapy is “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference”. Whether you subscribe to a religion or not, the message is powerful, and it is clear. There is peace and healing in acceptance of what is outside of our control and empowerment in exercising our control over what we can change and effect. The tricky part can come in knowing the difference between the two.
Certainty & Uncertainty
In the current chaos of our society, many of us may feel increasingly driven by and drawn to certainty of the future and being able to control what is going on around us. The idea of embracing the unknown can seem counterintuitive, even unsettling, especially given the current state of affairs. Many of us were taught to plan meticulously, set goals, and strive for predictability in our careers, relationships, and personal lives. Yet, despite our best efforts, the future remains inherently uncertain. Learning to be comfortable with this uncertainty is not only a skill but a profound shift in mindset that can lead to greater resilience, creativity, and peace of mind.
One of the biggest hurdles to embracing uncertainty is the illusion of control. Many of us like to believe that if we work hard enough, plan well enough, or think far enough ahead, we can shape our future exactly as we envision it. While planning and effort are essential, they can never fully account for the unpredictable nature of life. Unexpected events, both positive and negative, are inevitable. A job loss, a sudden opportunity, a global pandemic, an unstable political climate, or a chance encounter can alter the course of our lives in ways we never anticipated.
Can You Ever Really Be Certain?
When we cling too tightly to the need for certainty, we set ourselves up for anxiety and disappointment. The truth is, no matter how much we prepare or how much we try to fight against or for something, we cannot control everything. Accepting this reality is the first step toward finding comfort in the unknown. It is important to recognize that letting go of the need to control the future does not mean giving up on goals, dreams, the desire for comfort, or abandoning ambition. Instead, it means releasing the attachment to specific outcomes and being open to the possibilities that life presents. This mindset shift allows us to approach life with curiosity and adaptability rather than fear and rigidity.
It can be helpful to think of life as a river. You can try to swim against the current, exhausting yourself in the process, or you can learn to flow with it, trusting that it will carry you where you need to go. This doesn’t mean being passive; it means being responsive to the twists and turns, using your energy wisely, and finding joy in the journey rather than fixating on the destination.
Embrace Uncertainty
Learning to embrace uncertainty builds resilience. When we accept that change is a constant, we become better equipped to handle life’s challenges. Resilience is not about avoiding difficulties but about developing the capacity to bounce back from them. By learning to navigate the unknown, we become more flexible, creative, and resourceful. It can be helpful for us to consider the countless people who have faced unexpected setbacks (such as career changes, health issues, or personal losses) and emerged stronger and more determined. Their ability to adapt and find meaning in the face of uncertainty is a testament to the power of resilience. Each of us has this same capacity for resilience deep inside, we just need to recognize it, embrace it, and harness it.
When we can re-frame uncertainty in a positive way in our own minds, we can discover that the unknown can be a source of freedom. When we release the need to have everything figured out, we open ourselves to new experiences, opportunities, and perspectives. Uncertainty invites us to live in the present moment, to savor what we have now rather than constantly worrying about what might or might not happen in the future.
It is important to remember that there are steps that we can all take to learn to be more accepting or uncertainty. One practical step that we can all take is practicing mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness helps us stay grounded in the present moment, reducing anxiety about the future. Simple practices like deep breathing, meditation, or journaling can help cultivate a sense of calm and presence.
Learning to reframe uncertainty as an opportunity can be helpful as it allows us to make the shift from the unknown as a threat, to viewing it as a space of possibility. Trying asking yourself, “What can I learn from this?” or “How can I grow through this experience?”. Focusing on what you can control can be another helpful practice. While we can’t control everything, we can control our attitude, our effort, and how we respond to challenges. Concentrating on these areas rather than fixating on what’s beyond our control can bring us more peace. Learning to be comfortable without knowing what the future brings is about trusting the process and embracing the journey. Life is not a straight path, but a winding road filled with surprises, detours, and unexpected challenges and barriers. Even when the challenges get rough, and when we feel they are too difficult to manage, it is important to recognize our own capacity for resilience. We can and will get through it, and often we come out the other end stronger and more determined than ever before.
Make an appointment with one of our therapists in Pittsburgh, PA, or email info@elementspgh.com or call 412-587-6020.
The information contained in this blog does not replace professional treatment or diagnosis and is for educational purposes only.
