Written by: Autumn Walsh (She/Her) MSW, LSW, CCTS
Ah, the holiday season—a magical time filled with twinkling lights, seasonal carols, and, let’s be honest, a trip to the therapist’s office a few weeks later! If you’ve ever spent the holidays with a dysfunctional family, you know that navigating the dinner table can be akin to walking a tightrope over a pit of snapping crocodiles. And while you’re at it, dodging comments about your plate might require some Olympic-level agility. So, grab your emotional armor and maybe a plate of those delicious cookies Aunt Mabel brought—because it’s time to talk boundaries amid the holiday chaos!
The Family Feast of Awkward Comments
Picture it: the turkey is golden brown, the cranberry sauce is glistening, and your Great Aunt Gertrude has just decimated your self-esteem in one fell swoop. Just as you reach for that perfectly portioned serving of mashed potatoes, you hear her say something like, “Are you sure you need that? It’s got a lot of calories…” And just like that, your gut sinks lower than that turkey that’s just been served.
Those lovely little gems of holiday joy can range from the snarky to the downright sinister. Here’s a brace of comments that may sound innocently festive but are just needles disguised as candy canes:
- “Another piece of pie? Do you really want to end up like your cousin Timmy?”
- “Wow, I can really see your face! You’ve lost so much weight!”
- “You know, my doctor says eating after 7 PM is basically a one-way ticket to Failure Town. Just saying!”
These comments aren’t just bad jokes; they’re like setting a buffet table for disordered eating and poor body image. It’s almost like your family thinks the holidays are a time for ‘Body Shaming Bingo.’
The Great Comeback Revolution
When it comes to disarming these subtle digs, think of your comebacks as a holiday gift (without the wrapping paper to encourage the mess). For instance:
- Aunt Gertrude: “Are you sure you need that second helping?”
- You: “Oh, I’m just taking my love for food to the next level! What’s your secret mission for this holiday? To save the world from deliciousness?”
- Uncle Bob: “You might want to think about a salad instead; losing weight is more important than eating what you love.”
- You: “Totally, Uncle Bob! But then again, who would be my audience at the plate-spinning competition? Besides, this salad would just be a sidekick to my mashed potato superhero!”
Your responses can also be more assertive and firm because you have the right to set boundaries with others.
- Aunt Tiny: “Ohhhhh, you’re going back for more, are you?”
- You: “I appreciate your concern, but my choices about my food are my own.”
- Uncle Tommy: “I see where that piece of pie is going to go.” (looking at your abdominal area)
- You: “Let’s focus on enjoying the meal together rather than judging others.”
It’s crucial to redirect the conversation without attacking anyone’s eating habits or body, which can spiral into territory we prefer not to tread on.
The Weight Loss Kudos: A Double-Edged Sword
Now, let’s tackle the elephant in the room: that well-intentioned, “Wow, you look great! Have you lost weight?” comment. Although it sounds like sweet holiday cheer, it’s really just a Trojan horse full of emotional landmines.
Complimenting someone on their weight loss can inadvertently reinforce the toxic idea that their self-worth is contingent on their size. While you might think you’re adding glitter to their self-esteem, they might end up feeling like discarded tinsel—shiny, yes, but a little battered and forgotten. When we tie worth to size, it can lead to a trauma-ridden nervous system and constant comparison.
Consider this potential response: “Thanks! I’ve been working on embracing all parts of me—much like snowflakes, we’re all beautifully unique, even if I’m more of a ‘snowball’ these days!” This kind of humor normalizes body diversity while allowing room for appreciation of health in a broader context.
Positive Thoughts and Kind Vibes
Of course, not all comments are backhanded. Sometimes, you want to encourage people to foster a positive self-image without triggering an existential crisis. Instead of focusing on weight, how about showering family members with compliments that elevate their unique qualities?
- “You always bring the best energy to the table!”
- “I love how thoughtful you are with your cooking; it really brings everyone together.”
- “Your sense of humor could brighten even the darkest winter nights.”
Positive feedback centered around talents, traits, and personality can build up self-esteem way more effectively than questionable remarks about waistlines ever could.
The Final Slice of Life
Setting boundaries during the holidays is more crucial than those awkward conversations about calories. They provide a protective shield against backhanded compliments and subtly harmful remarks.
So, as you prepare your emotional battle gear for the holiday season, remember: you have every right to carve out safe spaces for yourself—not just physically at the dinner table, but mentally as well. Embrace your inner wisecracker and politely deflect toxic conversations with humor and grace.
After all, the holidays are about love, laughter, and potatoes—not dysfunctional family dynamics. So, lift that fork like a sword, slay those comments, and may the odds of coming out unscathed in your family’s holiday shenanigans be ever in your favor.
For those who are still reeling from years of holiday chaos, please consider professional help. Navigating family dynamics can be tricky, and mental health is just as important as any recipe you may whip up in the kitchen!
Happy holidays, and may your boundaries be as strong as your mashed potatoes!
References
American Psychological Association](https://www.apa.org/
Harvard Health Publishing](https://www.health.harvard.edu/
National Eating Disorders Association](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
