Written by: Autumn Walsh (She/Her) MSW, LSW, CCTS
Today, we’re diving into a crucial topic: family roles, especially within dysfunctional family units. So, grab your snacks, and let’s unpack this together!
What are Family Roles?
To start, family roles are specific behaviors, responsibilities, and patterns that individuals adopt within their family systems. And when we talk about dysfunctional family units, we’re referring to families where these roles can become unhealthy or maladaptive. According to Dr. Amad, a prominent researcher in the field of familial dysfunction, these roles are often shaped by the struggles and stressors the family faces.
Now, let’s break down some classic roles we often see in dysfunctional families.
The Hero
First up, we have the “Hero.” This is the overachiever—the one who feels the immense pressure to succeed. You might recognize this role from your own life or someone you know. Maybe you had a cousin who always got straight A’s and played every sport known to humanity. This role often emerges as a coping mechanism for managing family chaos. For example, if a parent is struggling with addiction, the child might step up to become the “Hero” to keep the family afloat. However, as adults, these “Heroes” can experience anxiety and burnout because they’ve internalized the need to be perfect.
The Scapegoat
Next, let’s talk about the “Scapegoat.” This is the family member who absorbs blame for family issues. Picture a teen who constantly gets reprimanded for acting out, even if they’re just responding to the underlying toxicity in the household. Dr. Amad describes this role as a method of deflection, allowing other family members to avoid confronting their problems. Later in life, the Scapegoat might struggle with self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness, often repeating this cycle in their adult relationships, believing they’re destined to attract negativity.
The Enabler
We can’t forget about the “Enabler,” often a parent or older sibling who tries to maintain peace by smoothing things over. Picture a mom who endlessly says, “It’s fine!” when her partner is domineering, ultimately stifling her own needs. Enablers often prioritize others’ emotions over their own, leading to a lack of assertiveness in adult life. Later on, they may find themselves in relationships filled with emotional manipulation, convinced that their worth is tied to how much they can please others.
The Lost Child
Then, we have the “Lost Child.” This is the quiet one who often goes unnoticed in the family chaos. Legend has it that they can move through walls like a ghost! They withdraw emotionally; perhaps they’re the sibling who spends hours in their room, playing video games, completely disengaged from family drama. While it may seem harmless, this role can lead to significant issues in adulthood, such as social anxiety or feeling invisible in relationships, ultimately leading to loneliness.
The Joker
Last but certainly not least, say hello to the “Joker.” This is the family member who uses humor to defuse tension—often at their own expense. Think of that uncle who cracks jokes during the most serious family meetings. Humor may temporarily ease discomfort, but it often masks deeper issues. These individuals might develop the habit of avoiding confrontation in adulthood, leading to suppressed emotions and troubled relationships because they resort to laughs instead of honest discussions.
Long-Term Consequences
Now, let’s chat about the long-term consequences of these roles. Dr. Amad highlights that individuals who adopt these roles often replay them in their adult relationships. For instance, a former Hero may find themselves in a partnership where they feel responsible for their partner’s happiness, striving for that ‘perfect’ relationship, which can lead to resentment. The Scapegoat might continuously sabotage their relationships out of fear, believing they’re inherently flawed.
Anecdotal evidence shows us how these patterns can emerge. I once spoke to a friend who grew up as the Lost Child. They came into adulthood unable to communicate effectively with partners. Eventually, they often felt hurt and abandoned, replicating the emotional distance they experienced as a child.
Breaking the Cycle
So, how can we break these cycles? Acknowledgment is the first step! Recognizing these roles enables individuals to consciously choose how they engage in relationships. Therapy, family discussions, or even journaling can help explore these underlying patterns.
The family roles we assume in dysfunctional units can shape our emotional landscape for life. But it’s never too late to rewrite our narratives! Remember, understanding is the first step toward healing. If you found this video insightful, please like, share, and subscribe for more discussions on mental health and family dynamics! Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other!
If you or someone you know would benefit from family therapy, make an appointment with one of our therapists by emailing info@elementspgh.com or calling 412-336-8832.
The information contained in this blog does not replace professional treatment or diagnosis and is for educational purposes only.
